SPLIT: Rachel and Siya Kolisi
IN A heartfelt display of vulnerability, Rachel Kolisi, the ex-wife of Springbok captain Siya Kolisi, has captured the attention and admiration of many South Africans after sharing her emotional healing journey on TikTok.
In the video, which features Kolisi walking along a serene beach at sunset, she unpacks her struggles in a touching voice-over that resonates deeply with viewers.
She says: “I can’t just wake up and be OK and I haven’t been OK for a really long time. I’m so tired, but I know, I know that the pain that you go through right now is nothing compared to the blessing you’re about to receive.”
The message underscores the challenges of overcoming emotional pain, particularly in the aftermath of her divorce announced on 22 October last night after an eight-year marriage
Since the split, which the couple described as a mutual decision, the Kolisis have maintained a co- parenting relationship for their two biological children, as well as their two adopted children.
The response on TikTok has been overwhelmingly positive, with numerous fans offering words of support and encouragement.
Rachel’s courageous openness about her challenges not only serves as an inspiration to others facing similar struggles but also highlights the importance of community support in overcoming personal hardships.
To further understand the complexities of emotional healing from a break-up, Independent Media Lifestyle spoke to Durban-based psychologist Rakhi Beekrum, who elaborated on the tough tye individuals face in the wake of a relationship ending.
Beekrum explained that break-ups are emotionally taxing because romantic relationships create deep emotional attachments that can significantly influence one’s daily routine and sense of self-worth.
She explains: “Romantic relationships also influence our daily routines, socialisation, practical and emotional needs.
“Feeling loved releases certain chemicals in our brain, so when this affection is withdrawn, we feel the effects of it. Break-ups can also impact on our feelings of self worth.”
Beekrum noted that break-up coping styles differ based on personality and circumstances surrounding the break-up.
She adds: “Every person copes differently based on their personality, circumstances of the break-up, coping styles, attachment styles and access to social support.
“Example, someone with an avoidant personality may suppress their emotions, while someone with an anxious attachment style may be more emotional reactive.”
COPING STRATEGIES
Allow yourself to grieve – A break-up is a loss, so it is natural to feel sad, hurt or disappointed.
Practice self compassion – Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling natural emotions, one should practice self compassion.
Take space from your ex – It’s important to take space from your ex, because keeping in touch can complicate the healing journey. Be honest with yourself about both the positive and negatives of the relationship.
Challenge your thoughts – Be mindful and aware of any negative thoughts that are hampering your healing.
Rediscover yourself – Try to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship and reinforce your self-worth.
Prioritise your self care – Ensure that you get good-quality sleep, eat nutritious food, healthy exercise, get enough rest and spend time with people who have a positive impact on you.
Social support – Reach out for the social support that you need, from friends and family.
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