Present fathers have decided to speak up about the stigma around absent fathers. Picture: Armand Hough
The State of South Africa’s Fathers 2024 (SOSAF 2024) report provides a sobering picture of fatherhood in the country.
According to the report released earlier this week, only 35.6% of children live with their biological fathers, while 40.3% are raised by men who are not biologically related to them.
Despite these statistics, the societal narrative around fatherhood tends to sideline the challenges that present fathers face—while overlooking the importance of supporting them in their roles.
Fatherhood in South Africa is often relegated to the background in policy discussions and societal frameworks. Despite economic instability and the pressures that come with it, many fathers are eager to be more involved in the lives of their children.
Yet, socio-economic constraints and systemic structures, including the legal system, often limit their ability to fully embrace these roles.
Present fathers—biological, social, and stepfathers alike—find themselves caught between their desire to nurture and the obstacles standing in their way.
As the SOSAF 2024 report highlights, there is a growing recognition of the importance of "social fathers"—men who step in as caregivers and role models even when they aren't biologically related to the child.
However, society often overlooks the contributions of these men, reinforcing outdated notions of masculinity that prioritize financial provision over emotional engagement.
The current conversation around fatherhood remains narrow, portraying fathers primarily as breadwinners, rather than as the active caregivers they can be.
Gary Da Silva, chairman of Fathers 4 Justice South Africa, highlights the systemic marginalization of fathers, especially in the legal and societal spheres.
According to Da Silva, “The dominant narrative around fathers in South Africa often portrays them as inherently violent or absent, which is inaccurate and unsupported by facts.”
He critiques the widespread misconception that men are either uninterested or incapable of caregiving, asserting that fathers are more than capable of contributing emotionally and physically to their children’s lives.
Despite these efforts to change the narrative, Da Silva emphasizes that many fathers face systemic biases.
The report notes that mothers are overwhelmingly granted primary custody in family courts, often over fathers who demonstrate equal or better caregiving capabilities.
“The family court system in South Africa is biased, favouring mothers in custody decisions over 70% of the time,” Da Silva pointed out.
"This often results in fathers, particularly those from lower socio-economic backgrounds, losing custody or access to their children, regardless of their commitment to caregiving."
Even beyond the courts, fathers who seek part-time work or flexible hours to balance family life are frequently stigmatized.
“If a mother seeks to adjust her work schedule to care for her children, she’s seen as a loving mother,” Da Silva explained. “But when a father does the same, he’s often criticized or dismissed.”
This discrepancy, Da Silva argued, reflects a deep societal bias that undermines the role of fathers as active caregivers.
The struggles faced by fathers in South Africa are not isolated to legal battles.
As Gosiame Masike, coordinator at Heartline DCS and advocate for fatherhood, observes, fathers often lack support networks where they can share their experiences.
“We have these fathers, but they don’t want to come out,” Masike said, highlighting the reluctance of many fathers to speak openly about the challenges they face.
“There’s a real lack of spaces for fathers to come together and find community and support. They’re often isolated.”
Masike’s sentiments are echoed by many fathers he works with, including one who took full custody of his daughter at the age of two.
“I took my child when she was two years old because her mother was all over the place and undecided. I said to myself, ‘My child can’t go through this,’” this father recalled.
For the past 12 years, he has raised his daughter single-handedly, waking up each day unsure of the challenges ahead.
He emphasized, “Being a single parent is not ideal. The child needs both parents.”
This father's experience also spoke to the issue of "gatekeeping," where mothers or extended family members prevent fathers from being actively involved in their children's lives.
“Co-parenting should be like the right hand working as the left does. It shouldn’t be about who has control, but about what’s best for the child.”
Another father who has been the primary caregiver to his son since birth shares similar sentiments.
“The decision to take sole custody is something I would do over and over again.”
However, he also expresses a desire for more support. “We get help from our moms and aunties, but there are certain things you don’t want to speak to them about. It’s a pride thing, I believe,” he admitted. What’s missing, according to him, is a community where fathers can connect with others who share similar struggles.
“If there were more men with similar stories and struggles, talking would be much easier,” he says, reflecting the need for more male-dominated spaces where fathers can receive guidance and support.
Dr. Alicia Porter, Board Member of the South African Psychiatrists (SASOP), added an important perspective on the impact of absent mothers and present fathers.
She stressed that both mothers and fathers contribute uniquely to a child’s emotional and psychological development.
“When a mother is absent due to issues like substance abuse, and the father steps in as the sole caregiver, this can create psychological stress for the child,” Dr. Porter notes. “However, if the father provides emotional support and stability, the child can develop resilience and positive life skills.”
Dr. Porter emphasized that the presence of a supportive father can mitigate the effects of maternal absence, particularly in cases where the mother’s absence is linked to neglect or substance abuse. This, she argued, highlights the critical role fathers can play in ensuring a child's well-being, even in challenging family dynamics.
As Kavya Swaminathan, Interventions Supervisor, at the TEARS Foundation stated: “In the South African context, discussions often centre on absent fathers, yet the absence of a mother can be equally destabilising for a child’s emotional and psychological development.
“ A committed father can be a powerful protective factor for a child, offering a sense of security, resilience, and belonging. Strengthening social services and community support for single fathers in South Africa could help ensure these children receive the emotional nourishment, structure, and guidance they need to thrive.”
tracy-lynn.ruiters@inl.co.za
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